This week, I went back to the comforts of playing Church instead of being the Church! I hate it when I do this! It makes me want to scream,"counterfeit," at the top of my lungs and jump up and down yelling! The enemy is all over playing church and in being inauthentic in our relationships. He loves to see us settle with surface pleasantries instead of rolling up our sleeves and living in communion with others no matter the situation.
Playing church to me is being more concerned in the set up (wearing my Sunday best, and speaking fluent Christian-ese) than actually living life with people. When I play church, I know that I have "stuff" that people will judge me on and it is easier to close myself off and live in my dress up clothes carrying my issues camouflaged in a frilly bible cover saying, "God bless you," to those I encounter on Sunday morning.
Why would I share real life with people? I don't want to be judged. And yet, with the assumption of being judged, I am the one doing the judging! See how circular this is? Satan can get me so stuck on the hamster wheel sometimes. The whole idea of being judged chains me up to live a guarded life. I am held captive by the worry of being judged by others and myself.
When I voice my fears, it makes me even more mad than I was before. I know Truth! I know what the Word of God says. I know that transparent, authentic relationships form the foundation for community. I know God intends for us to live in freedom, unshackled from worry, judgement, and shame.
We all just want to be loved. We want others to not look down on us and think us weak. We want to be honored and respected but comforted when needed. My circumstances don't change my identity. What I go through brings me closer to the Father.
This morning, I confessed playing church to God and hiding from my myself and my community. My heart is unashamed once again. I am FREE!
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